I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
