Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
