yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
