so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize