I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
