hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
