enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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