I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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