You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
