It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
