Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
