guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
