is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
