I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
