He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
