Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
