I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
