Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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