Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
