I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
