just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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