Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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