Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
