In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
