Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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