just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
