the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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