Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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