I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
