dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize