Will you blow on my dice?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i will never coherently bang her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
