If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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