I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
