I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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