so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
