i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
