Fuck appropriateness.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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