so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
