he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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