Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
