Sry I called you an 8
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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