dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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