You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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