I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
