I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
