so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
