Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
