Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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