so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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