I will die if light touches me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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