good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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