In America we eat man semen.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
